come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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