You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
