And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
