you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
