I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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