Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
