I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Barsexuality is the new black.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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