no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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