Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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