Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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