I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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