Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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