Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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