So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
