we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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