Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
