So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
