He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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