just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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