If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
