hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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