You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
