i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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