Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
my liver is dry heaving
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
