omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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