I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
