uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
