12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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