Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize