I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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