He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
