Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
