theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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