Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
