yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I want her autograph on my taint
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize