what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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