speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
