So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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