So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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