the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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