It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
