Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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