I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
