I hate all girls vehemently.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
It's rum buckets o'clock
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
