OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
