she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
