I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
