WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Drunk is a universal language darling
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize