Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
If that was your dad, he is hot
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
