I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize