Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
