Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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