I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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