her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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