I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
