We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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