Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
