I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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