So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
