just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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