Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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