Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
