Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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