I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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