I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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