omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Be still, my beating vagina.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
