She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
