Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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