dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
